Monday, June 18, 2007

Drugs and Violence


In response to some rumours we've heard recently, yes, A&R men & women we would like to be taken out for free dinners and drinks...

We are a flexible bunch, into everyone getting involved, if it's your money you should have a say we think... Tell you what, i even watched MTV2's red button chart today and enjoyed at least 5 songs on it... We are capable of writing pop songs that would blow your mind too so we're definitely worth investing into for the future, if this hardcore malarky doesn't create a market in the mainstream alternative field then as i say, we're flexible...

A few requirements maybe contained within future contracts though, and to save some hassle i'll outline a few of the more important ones...

- The budget and resources must be made available for the writing and performing of our 'looped universe theory' song at the centre point of the Large Hadron Collider at CERN.

- Help with starting the first ever franchised hardcore band, whereby we need never leave our homes to go on tour, we have auditioned counterparts all over the world "rocking the face off every motherfucker in the room" simultaneously. Meaning we don't get bored of playing the same songs, over and over and over again and develop unwanted drink and drug habits from the sheer boredom of our glamorous lifestyles.

- U2's old zoo tv stage gear.

- Someone to write our second album for us, we can't be bothered, we can give you the outline... we just need someone to 'fill in the gaps' like music and the actual words.

- Sign our unborn children into the contract too. They'll thank us when their older.

- Let us write an album (i guess number three this will be) about how everyone likes us but that's really shit because no-one really understands us really and we're all lonely because it's lonely being a star and we get sad and have had some problems but we're working through it but it's not all that great at the top you know it's a bit shit. And it'll be a bit awkward and not that good because we'll deliberately be trying to be something we're not and experimenting really badly and trying to show people we're not confined to this box you put us us in man, we're totally something else, get off my case, etc... BUT You will have to make it a hit record or else we'll complain that you're a shit label and did market us properly or advertise it well enough, you shits.

- During the 2 months that the people who liked us at your label are still employed there we get to decide what everyone wears.

there are more... we can discuss these at dinner.